Tuesday, September 13, 2011

September 12, 2011

September 12, 2011
Oh how the mountains call me to them every once in a while.  After an intense second week of being with the girls, which went wonderfully by the way, my friend Jasmine and I decided to head to the Rwenzori Mountains in western Uganda for some hiking and relaxation.  It did not disappoint.

We arrived Friday evening at the Rwenzori Trekking Hostel, which was a simple and clean place – all you ever want from a hostel.  Because we arrived rather late in the evening, we didn’t have much time to walk around, but we did get a bit of a look at the town.  Once a mining town, Kilembe has an abandoned mining factory that sits at the base of the beginning of the mountains.  Closed around 1975, the factory as well as the still chair lift leading up into the mountains are spotted with the rust of what could have been and is now not.
The people, to some degree, wear that same face of unfulfilled hope – a distorted, half smile that is quickly cursed by the eyes.  The children still play in the streets, rolling empty bottles attached to sticks, with faces that are endearing and innocent, but the constant presence of the adults surrounding either side of the road somehow continually brought me back to the loss.  And, in my journey thus far, I had not yet experienced the begging I experienced in this town; I was fully initiated this weekend.  Children surrounded me at one point, rubbing my skin and kissing my hands, and they kept asking me to, “Give me my money.”
I know they don’t realize what those words actually mean and in no way were they offensive to me, but it was a moment of pause for me, as it made me aware of whose money it was to give.  It was almost shocking to me when that thought crossed my mind, because I have only ever been asked to “give money” and usually always do; ownership of the money was never put into question, and by somehow phrasing it in that manner, I was keenly aware of the need to teach rather than give.  The old saying – Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. – resonated.
I will forever believe in helping other people, but I understand more and more the essential role education and training plays in really fostering sustainable “help”.  Change will only come when the fundamental issues of the problem are addressed and, if possible, amended.  Nevertheless, seeing the sign in the hostel asking guests NOT to give money to the children was somehow reassuring.
Saturday was an early morning, as we prepared for our trek up the steep doormat of the mountains’ house.  As we set off onto our hike, the initial pass was striking to me, as I was amazed by the drop-offs that attached themselves right beside our eight inches of path.  I deemed the drop a killer at certain points, and due to my fear of heights and utter clumsiness, I paid homage to its power by losing my own.  I really wondered whether or not I was capable of surpassing the fear (and shortness of breath!).  However, I somehow pushed through, taking great pleasure when we came upon the leg-breaker drop-offs.  Those I can handle…or, at least, survive.
Our six hour ascent was, luckily, uneventful, and our views throughout the climb were wonderful.  You see why Uganda was termed “the Switzerland of Africa.”  It is stunning.

We arrived at the top of our climb, which unfortunately was not in the actual park itself, but fortunately, it provided a lovely place to camp as well as a reasonable trek for someone like myself.  I was quite happy with our feat, and even more so when the next day brought climbers who had summitted the mountains into my path.  I, in no way, would have been prepared to summit, as it is a very serious climb in need of the proper gear and strength, neither of which I had this weekend.
The trek up the mountain was sprinkled with stories from our guide and information about local uses for the plants surrounding the area.  I found his talk fascinating, as through his telling, I got a greater understanding of the culture.  For instance, we came upon what he termed a “bark tree,” which is a tree whose bark is used in making material for clothing, blankets, etc.  And, he went on, the tree also acts as a lawyer in local disputes; this, of course, left the three trekkers (Jasmine, a gentleman named Arnold from the Netherlands who was on the trek with us, and me) with puzzled looks on our faces.
How is the bark tree a lawyer? was the obvious next question.  Our guide explained.  The tree, you see, is the judge when two people claim the same land.  For, when a person acquires property, they plant a bark tree on that property.  They watch as the tree grows and use the tree’s bark to make clothing (and in my mind, have a relationship similar to the characters in Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree).  Should a person (the owner or otherwise) claim the land justly or unjustly, the community will challenge the man to cut the tree down.  If the property truly belongs to the man, the tree will simply fall.  If the property does not belong to the man, the tree will fall on top of him and kill him.  I think it may be the best logic I have ever heard.  The bark tree rests its case…both literally and figuratively.
The campsite where we did stay was also surrounded by children, and their interest in us was interesting to us.  They wanted us to play, and they wanted to us to talk.  They wanted us to take their picture, and they wanted us to simply be around them.  Perhaps, in some way, we provided to them what the mine had once provided to the town – an option.

                                               Playing Throw the Rock into the Hole

                                          Our campsite - Notice the tents in the bottom left

We rested and played with the children, and when night fell onto our mountain, I was quite ready for sleep.  It came and went throughout the hours of the moon, and I wasn’t sure if it was the notion of needing a guard carrying a spear or the rock in my lower back that kept it from enveloping me. 
Either way, when I woke up, I somehow wasn’t tired, as I think the rest I needed was simply a break from daily, all-consuming life. 
            Coming down the mountain only took two hours, and the little rain we encountered was just enough to say I have experienced the rain in the Rwenzori Mountains.  Other than that, our stay was dry, safe, and so enjoyable.  I needed the mountains, and maybe they needed me, too.

            Our drive home in the afternoon was lazy, and we stopped at the salt mines of Katwe before heading back to Mbarara.  Fascinatingly enough, the Salt Mine had also closed down around 1975 due to corrosion in the pipes, and the same rust and ghostly memories surrounded the building’s dilapidated structure.  I realized at this second, decaying location how stories change as they travel from person to person, year to year.  They can, virtually, decay not only metal, but also history.
            I got home late last night and crawled into bed and slumber.  Today proved to be full of go, as I went from one project/issue directly to another, leaving the office at 6pm and not even realizing everybody had left.  I had too much to do, and tomorrow is another day in the field and with my girls. 
            How funny that phrasing it that way gave me another moment of pause!  Perhaps it is good to constantly be reminded that individuals and their spirits may never be owned; they can only be loved and appreciated…which is what I do and feel for my girls.  I guess in that context the “my” is very appropriate.   

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

September 7, 2011

September 7, 2011
An interesting, and yet maybe humbling, lesson learned for me today.  I was “called out” for a situation deservedly, and I had to realize there are certain things I cannot or, perhaps, should not do.  I think when you come here, you want to try to do as much as you can for whoever you can; however, what I learned today is that there are going to be situations where I can’t/shouldn’t.  And, in thinking about all of these issues, I experienced my own adult form of “time out.”
In this particular reflection on the situation, I realized the answer was I shouldn’t.  Lesson learned, and I hope not to repeat my errors (I will say I don’t have to be told twice – a strong character about me…or, maybe more accurately, the fearful memory of wooden paddles behind the principal’s desk!).  I am learning so much about what I don’t know, and although my error was not intentional or a lapse in judgment, it was a moment for me to question my role and my position during my time here.  And, sometimes, a person’s role may be to respectfully step aside or, perhaps, recognize they should not have been standing there in the first place.  Like I said, lesson learned.
I am new to this world and can honestly admit that some of my mistakes are solely based on my naivety.  The exposure to the business and the public health realms here are very different from anything I have ever experienced before, and I feel I am constantly trying to soak in as much knowledge as possible to make me a better and more educated person.  I have been trying harder than I have ever tried before, and I have realized it is a different type of gumption needed to confess your weaknesses. 
I knew in and out what I did every minute of every day in my job at home, because I was extremely well versed on all it required.  And, now, I have gone from knowing and, perhaps, being comfortable to not knowing and being uncomfortable in that lack of knowledge.  It is oftentimes trial and error for me, and right now, I am simply trying to balance my time as a student with my hope for being a teacher.  I’m afraid – no actually – I’m proud of the fact I may be learning my position is on the student side of the teeter-taught her.  It means I am being honest.
I am, quite possibly, the her after the taught!
Maybe being able to recognize my own shortcomings is the balance needed to tip me in the other direction.  Or, maybe I need every once in a while to be pushed by another to learn more about my own position in life’s fascinating playground.  Or, maybe it is equal parts of the two which make us stronger, more enlightened people.  Trying to do the best you can on the one seat, and embracing and learning from your errors/faults on the other.
Could that very well be the teeter-taught her’s equilibrium?
Cheers to hoping the answer doesn’t play hide and go seek!

Monday, September 5, 2011

September 5, 2011

September 5, 2011
Am I already into another month?!?  It is so difficult to believe that this week marks my 2 month milestone here in Uganda.  How much I have experienced and grown.  I don’t think I even fully realize it yet.
I will admit to being a bit tired, as last week proved to be very exciting and very challenging combined.  As mentioned in my last entry, I held my first focus group with the girls last Monday, and then I had to prepare for another focus group with the parents as well as another meeting with the girls on Thursday.  AND, I had to give a presentation about the project to UNAIDS on Friday!  Needless to say, I worked my tail off, as I wanted all of it to be exceptional.  And, not to toot my own horn, I think it was…
Now, I will not say I did it alone, as there were several individuals who helped me to succeed last week, and to them, I owe thanks.  Whether it be through ideas or constructive criticism or help with the logistics, I feel these people got me through.  So, to those who provided the help, I am forever grateful.
I look back on all that occurred in a week’s time, and I can’t help but to be proud.  The girls were beginning to open up, the focus groups were informative and productive, the program was growing, and the presentation to UNAIDS was, I thought, a big win.  It was a good, demanding week.  And, due to the fact I was an eye in the week’s constant storm of activity, I pulled several late nights and early mornings, and by the end of the week, I was exhausted. 
So, although I did have some friends over for dinner on Friday evening, the weekend was spent relaxing, sleeping, reading, and doing a whole lot of nothing.  It was the rejuvenation I craved, and I was amazed at how much I slept, as I have never been one for long slumbers or lazy afternoons.  I relished the simplicity of allowing myself to stop and reflect and simply be, and my two days of doing so were lovely. 
I do want to go back to the events of Thursday though and quickly delve into the mothers who showed up to the focus group.  Surprisingly to me, they were much more vocal than I expected, and when I probed for information about the girls, the community, or the female situation, they readily gave their opinions.  One woman, who had the lines of hardships and joys on her face, fascinated me.  Her eyes would get big and then her brow would furrow, and even though I couldn’t understand a word she spoke, I loved her story.

Her story, when translated, directed the program to address exactly the issues we have been trying to focus on, and I was relieved to hear her tell me I had the group’s permission to do as I see fit with the program and their thanks for what I am trying to accomplish with their daughters.  I think this gratitude toward me and what I am trying to do with the program is something I have just not allowed myself, as I have been working nonstop and can only see everything that still needs to be done.  And, although I feel I have been fully aware of what is happening on a day to day basis and the overarching goals of the entire process, it took these mothers pointing out the greater meaning and potential that started to make me view things a little differently.

You see, it started raining after the parental focus group last Thursday, and it was a rain that shakes the trees and your nerves.  Moreen (the girl who is helping me to begin the program) and I took shelter in one of the Sub-county town hall’s waiting rooms and looked out into the blinding rain.  She told me her story, too, and I am forever in awe of the resiliency of people.  I went outside to capture the rain, but it slipped out of my hand, as it isn’t meant to be caught.


The downpour lasted for quite some time, and soon after it let up, I saw a woman approaching the hall.  At first, I did not know whether to approach her or not, but I saw her looking around as if she were lost.  So, I asked Moreen to go and speak to her, and sure enough, she had come (a few hours late) to attend the parental focus group.  I kept looking at her and thinking to myself, what about the storm?

After she learned the focus group had been earlier that morning, she took my hand and starting speaking.  Moreen translated, saying the woman claimed to be very, very happy and was giving me many thanks because her daughters were going to have an opportunity.  I nodded my head and smiled, saying thank you for coming, and after many handshakes, she left, walking away in the continued drizzle.  What about the storm?

I think that was the moment I finally got what I had been missing.  I was able to answer the question.  I understood.
I watched her walking away, hoping she would turn into one of the nearby houses so I knew she hadn’t walked very far, but somewhere inside me, I knew she wasn’t going to make any close turns.  I knew she had a long walk.  I craned my head to see how far she was going, and the further I saw her walking into the distance, the harder it was for me to breath.  I knew that woman had survived a down/poor I will never understand to give her daughters the possibility of a future.
What about the storm? 
The mother got wet.  The rain slips away.
She isn’t meant to be caught.
Perhaps such blindness has enabled me to see.
She isn’t meant to be caught.
Focus.

Monday, August 29, 2011

August 29, 2011

August 29, 2011
Today is why I came to Africa. 
I went to the office first thing in the morning to prepare for my first focus group with the girls.  I had surveys to print and items to organize, so I made sure I had all of my needed items ready to go.  Around 10am, I found myself loaded into a UN monster SUV, and we headed up to the field.  We weren’t able to go far, as the rains the last few days made our normal route inaccessible.  Michael, our trusted and deep laughing driver, took us through another maze of streets, ending in uphill curves and muddy roads.  Today, Michael made me realize that driving the truck is an art, as he maneuvered those roads with a grace and calmness of a general going into battle.  Although it is typically a situation in which I might be frightened, Michael’s consistent cool made me ease further into my seat, relaxing the entire time.
We arrived in Kabuyanda a tad before noon, and I went to the community center where we were to have our 2 o’clock meeting.  I set everything out and then triple-checked everything so that I knew nothing would be forgotten, and when I could do no more checking, I settled in to read a book that was recently given to me about teenage struggles.  I read and read until approximately 1:30 when I thought it time to start preparing for the girls.
2pm came and went.  2:15pm came and went. 2:30pm came and went 2:45pm came and went.  It was around this time that I realized no one would be coming to my first meeting.  I started putting things into stacks to be taken home when I noticed a tiny girl carrying an even tinier girl on her back outside the window.  I went outside to take their picture, and as I did so, seven or eight girls sauntered into the center.  SUCCESS!!
My dear community sector (Hilda, Irene, and Kenneth) had come through!!  We started the meeting with fifteen girls, but by the time it was time to go, we had 35!!  I was in awe.  They were very timid at first, not wanting to say anything, but I had planned a “name game” that forced the girls to say their name as well as others in the group.  By the time the interview activity began, I heard a steady increase in their voice. I hope more than anything it continues.
I will say the language barrier between the girls and me is something that I, too, will have to surpass, because every time I tried to say something in Runyenkori, they would laugh and laugh.  I think it made them feel even more comfortable in the setting though, because by the end of the meeting, I had girls coming up to me to ask for my phone number and to see if they could teach me songs.  I said I couldn’t today, but that they were going to see so much of me that they may get sick! 
I left ecstatic.  It is the very reason I have travelled this journey – to meet those girls.  I vow I will do whatever I can to help them learn, develop, and find their voice.  There was immense potential in the room with those girls.  I see it; now, I must put the mirror in front of them.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

August 25, 2011

August 25, 2011
            First off, I would like to thank all of you out there that have supported me on this journey and wished me a Happy Birthday today!  And, it very much was!  There were 13 people that came over for dinner, and I will say it was delicious and so much fun!  In fact, it is probably one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time.  The only thing that would have made it better is if some of my Kentucky people could have been transported here.  Then it would have been perfect.




I did think it was interesting when my friend brought up the fact that she thought your 33rd birthday was supposed to be a big one.  I asked why, as I had never heard anything about that.  She said it had something to do with Jesus being 33 when he died.  Therefore, it is supposed to be a life changing year.  Funny enough, I have been 33 all of 20 something hours, and I would have to agree!
 As for my long silence, I do apologize; however, I have learned that silence itself has a voice, and it speaks volumes.  I hope you understand.
I have had many inquiries about what is happening in my world, and right now, I may only say that things are getting sorted.  Whatever the future will bring me, I welcome it with love and happiness.  I am learning I am happier when I am fully me.  I am me once again.
And, with that said, I was able to fall in love with Africa all over again today.  Perhaps my own birthday present this year was to revisit how I view the world, and due to some down periods, I feel my perception has been a little skewed.  I won’t allow that any more. 
The project has finally taken off, and I have my first focus group with the girls on Monday and their parents on Thursday.  I am thrilled!  I have done so much preparation and work, and I feel I am finally ready.  The program was even on the radio, which for some reason is the signal to me that it is happening.  For that, I am grateful.
It has been a lovely day.  I am happy.  I have amazing individuals that surround me in my life.  I am so thankful for where I am in my life.  And, I am ready for where I am going.  Happy Rebirthday to me!  Cheers to still believing in wishes coming true…

Sunday, August 14, 2011

August 14, 2011

August 14, 2011
            The roller coaster continues. 
            Funding seems to be a major issue, and although I would love for it to be easy, it is not.  The money we thought we had procured is now questionable due to budget cuts (typical of all NGOs/non-profits right now), and the project will have to go forward in another, different manner.  I was thinking…open the doors of the youth center now, and all we have are concrete walls.  What am I going to do?  A friend quickly interrupted my thought pattern and optimistically pointed out that I don’t just have concrete walls.  She told me I have an empty stage upon which the center’s participants can produce a fundraising, theatre project.  She encouraged me to turn these unanswerable questions/obstacles into a form of growth.  I love the creativity and hope with which I am surrounded!
 So many of the people I have met here have that same positivity and imaginative spirit, and for that, I am so grateful.  It has been their stories of survival and hope and goodness and will which have made my journey so fascinating and enjoyable thus far.  Had it not been for these individuals, I think the trip would be an entirely different story, a drama with an uncertain ending; with them, however, the ups and downs have been eased, and I can appreciate the day to day activity, unaware and unconcerned right now of its conclusion.
I spent this past Friday night packing up my belongings once again, and I moved into a new home, where I was greeted by my friend Diana and a house with mish-mashed magnificence.  The floors are cracked and un-tiled, holding dirt in each and every cranny, and the walls are covered with spider webs and geckos, both climbing in all directions.   The bedrooms are filled with at least two twin beds and whatever furniture has been left by previous tenants.  The couches, table, and plastic chairs in the main living room are set off by three, different, African-print pieces of material stuck randomly on the walls.  And, the colors throughout the house are as varied and misplaced as my color blind brother’s five-year-old drawings.  It is the Intern House, and I think it is absolutely wonderful.
It reminds me of our space in Canada where nothing quite makes sense individually, but when you step back and look at the whole, it is a home full of noise, laughter, and good discussion.  Diana and I sat talking and sipping our coffee for a good two hours this morning, and I realized around four this afternoon that I had nothing to do.  It is the first time in…well, I can’t remember when that I had absolutely nothing that I HAD to do.  No work looming over my head or house to be cleaned.  No groceries to be bought, and no errands to run.  I could simply just be, and that is exactly what I have done with today.  I have spent the afternoon reading, writing, and even playing a game of my guilty pleasure – solitaire.  And, when the rains began to pour around five, I listened to the water beating down on our little paradise’s tin roof and thought about that song, which goes something like, “I bless the rains down in Africa, gonna take the time to do the things I never have.”      
I will say, as cheesy as it sounds, it has made me think.  Why is it that we, as Americans, feel the need not to take time?  We start elementary school and gear up for middle school.  We go through middle school in preparation for high school.  We complete high school and jump into college.  We spend college trying to get the right job.  We work in the right job so that we can afford the appropriate house.  We have the appropriate house so that the children have a back yard to play in.  We tend to the back yard so that it looks as good as the Jones’ yard.  We keep up with the Jones’ so that we can be successful.  We work at being a success so that our children can attend the appropriate elementary school.  We watch as the entire process starts all over again for the next generation – a new act with different players.
I have always felt out of sync with this progression and have, oftentimes, had to field the inevitable questions that come along with that incongruity.  Why do you move around so much?  When are you going to get married?  Why haven’t you had kids yet?  Why do you want to travel by yourself?  Why haven’t you settled down? 
These questions don’t make me uncomfortable, but I am beginning to realize that I have never understood them – and for no other reason than they aren’t innate to me.  My life has, perhaps, always been atypical for the area I live, but I am learning that my life is not that “different.”  I just have my own set of questions, my own concrete stage.  Where can I move to next?  Who can I meet, and what can they teach me?  How much of the world can I see?  What job is going to challenge and fulfill me?  Why would I settle?
I know it may be hard to understand, but for me, it is the only way I have ever thought and the only way I know how to act.  What is over that next horizon, and how quickly can I get there?  I recognize this way of living is not good or bad or right or wrong; it is just the way I live.  Just like the Jones, living the way they want.
I guess each of us have the life we were meant to live and the questions we were meant to ask – our own little personalized roller coaster ride.  And, maybe it isn’t about how many peaks and valleys or loop-de-loops our track will take but rather whether we are able to let go of the safety harness, throw both of our arms up into the air, and enjoy the hell out of it.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

August 9, 2011

August 9, 2011
          I just finished putting together my first class of yoga for Africa which will take place tomorrow.  Word got out that I am a newly minted yoga instructor, and the interest erupted, which I love.  I have tried to forewarn everyone that I may not be the best teacher yet, but I was so happy people were excited to practice that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.  Plus, it will be great continued teaching training for me, and any donations I am given will be passed along to a worthy cause here in Uganda.  I am most thrilled about the latter, as it is a manner in which I can spread the love I have learned from yoga.
          On the work front, the last two days were spent preparing a preliminary budget for the youth center and meeting with the directors to get approval.  We haven’t officially gotten the “go ahead” yet, but I just know it is coming.  Once we have that, we will be one giant step closer to opening the doors of the facility, and I will be so proud when that day arrives.  However, much work still needs to be done, as each discussion about preparation for the opening leads to yet more and more “action items.”  It seems like a never-ending process, which now that I am thinking it through is exactly how we want it.  We never want this process to end but rather flourish and evolve.
          I, too, am evolving here.  I learn things every day which surprise me, shock me, interest me, and challenge me.  It ranges from delving internally to acknowledge and contemplate my core beliefs to being exposed externally to the parasites that lay eggs on your clothing if you hang them out to dry.  Note…if you are ever in Uganda, you must always iron your clothes before wearing them, as larvae could potentially nest in the fibers.   If they hatch as you are wearing the clothes, they can bore into your skin and become infected; the heat from ironing kills them.  As I write it, I am amazed.  Who knew?
          I went to a lovely bar-b-q last night hosted by several friends from Millennium Villages.  They made homemade chipate, guacamole, mashed potatoes, grilled pork, and sautéed pork; and, I can easily say it was the best meal I have had in Mbarara thus far.  I was so full after the dinner that I was border-line nauseous.  It was gluttony at its finest.
          While there, a few of us began to speak about Rwanda, as my friend Diana had to go back this weekend to check in with the basket weavers.  We were talking about the memorial, the genocide, and the effects the massacre has had on the country.  As we were sitting there discussing it all, Diana says she has a story to tell about her latest adventure to the MVP site.  She begins…
          She had spent the day with the women and had been very productive, even though there was still plenty of work to be done.  Night came, however, and the local people had arranged for Diana to stay in a church/guest house located next to the project.  She and Pamela, her project’s trainer, went into their separate rooms, and Diana began to work.  Time got away from her, and before she knew it, it was 2am in the morning.  She had her earphones in and was concentrating on her work when she said she heard a woman talking to her.  She took her earphones out, looked around, heard nothing, and saw nothing.  She put the earphones back in and, again, heard the voice talking in a language she did not understand.  She took the earphones out, and it stopped.  She put them back in, and it started again, in a very distinct voice.
          Diana, a woman who does not scare easily, knew it must be a spirit of some sort and simply said out loud to please leave her alone.  She said that soon after making the request her bed was pushed roughly, and with that, she was out of the room.  At 2am, Diana went to Pamela’s door and knocked until she answered; Diana slept the rest of the night on the cold floor next to Pamela.  The next morning as she was discussing the night’s occurrences, a local informed her that the church had been a site of mass killings during the genocide.  The voice was very real.
          Perhaps if people or life or relationships or love are left unresolved they will always comes back to haunt us…